Sometimes the Vanilla Life Happens...

In my last entry I had said that Sir had been very busy with school, work and the army. Well what I hadn't said was that he was so exhausted that he was getting physically sick, so for about 2 weeks we didn't talk and that did a number on me. After he got better and we started talking again I thought things would be like they were, but they weren't. I started to feel that something was wrong and I couldn't  figure out where the problem was. I tried to think that maybe it was him, that he was showing enough emotions. I had even gotten worse with my training and told him that for about a month I haven't been in the mood to do anything, my sex drive had gone down badly. We haven't seen each other in two months so I knew that the physical need for him could be causing some of my problems but I also knew that the problem was deeper, it was an emotional lacking. I went to two of my good friends for help and had told Sir that I wanted to do this and wanted him to do it with me, so I went to two of my friends and now they are going to help us rebuild our emotional connection. This friend is going to act as our therapist so to speak and she will give assignments to complete. I am very much hoping that this will help us. Today I was giving another friend some advice and what I was telling her really had opened my eyes and I realized that the problem may not be him at all, it may be me. The fact that maybe I hadn't 100% submitted myself to him and all this time I thought I had. That is where the problem lies. I have fears that I should not have with him and b/c of those fears I have unknowingly kept myself at a distance with him. All that stops right now, it will change and I will now and forever be 100% his. We will still do the assignments that my friend gives us to do that way even though I know the source of my problem we can still build a stronger bond.